Getting back in the groove...

Back in the day, before I had kids, I had lots of time to sit around and fantasize about what I wanted my world to look like and what I wanted to be doing. I used to write lists - lists for everything: basic to-do lists, lists of what I want to do soon, what I'd like to do "someday" and what I fantasize about but may likely never do. I would generate action plans for the ideas on my list that were most appealing, and then set forth to make those things happen. I've turned a great deal of my dreams into reality through luck, generosity of family, focused intention, self-motivation and a willingness to create a balance in my life between money and time. Given the choice, I've almost always taken time over money where I can afford to. I'm willing to live with less or get darn creative when that's what it takes. (Maybe I need to expand my dreams to include scads of money AND lots of free time?)

Today, with a 2 year old and a new baby just shy of six weeks old, I'm back in that space I was in just after my first son was born of being more aware of the constrictions on my life than the new openings in my life. This is not to say that I resent it - I've wanted kids all my life and am blessed with two healthy, vibrant sons. I am just adjusting, again, to my new reality. I've been inspired lately by other moms who refuse to shed all of their old self just because they had kids. They are no less in love with their kids than I am with mine, they just seem to have held on to their passions more tightly than I did. Or perhaps they have more direction than I do. I've never really known exactly what I wanted to do with my life or had a specific direction. I have a general compass that has had me on a trajectory with a definite theme, but no distinct career. Perhaps that is why I felt that so much of my former self was obscured once I had my son? Or perhaps I just didn't know how to integrate my old life with my new?

I was recently directed towards a blog that really inspired me. Goalsfortheweek's picture is of her high-fiving her kids as she runs past them in some foot race. It made me nostalgic for the former athlete in myself who has not seen the light of day for a couple years now. It made me think, honestly for the first time, about the model I want to provide my kids in terms of WHO I AM, not just the kinds of manners or behaviors I'd like them to adopt. Who do I want my kids to know me as? Someone with a chronic lower back issue that doesn't seem to do much about it? Someone who used to be an athlete, used to have exhaustive energy, used to be an adventurous outdoor instructor, used to courageously leave her life behind and travel extensively? Or someone who still inhabits and brings forth all of those characteristics? I don't want to just be their mom. I want to be an inspiring mom based on what I do for myself as much as what I do for them.

Thus, GoalsfortheWeek has inspired in me two major aspects of myself that had been fallow for too long: my athlete self and my focus on manifesting my dreams for and beyond the day to day. It's time to dream it real.  Let the lists and manifesting begin!


So, below is today's dream and a commitment to taking action to make it real. Future posts will welcome new dreams and updates on current dreams.  I welcome your support. I also recognize that sometimes not getting what you ask for is a stroke of luck so my mantra is "this or something better" - for perhaps I have not even dreamed the best thing that could happen. Perhaps my dream is off center and not the best for me or my family. So, I welcome my dreams to come true or to become better dreams.

Post-partum body recovery: It's been less than 6 weeks but already the insidious impatience has crept in...I want out of these maternity clothes! I want to get this body back into shape. I want to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes. If I am going to spend money on new clothes, I want them to show off an awesome post-pregnancy fit body. Even more pressing is the need to re-strengthen my back after months of carrying this small bundle in front (and still carrying him there - he's asleep in the Moby wrap as I write this!) I want to play rambunctiously with my small sons! I want to put on my jeans without pain.

Actions:
*This morning I purchased unlimited month-long pass to the local Bikram yoga studio to jump start the process.  Went to my first class in perhaps a year?
*Minimum of 5 walks per week that get me moving.
*Reduction in the vast amounts of sugar I ate during my pregnancy (sorry Beau!)
*Increase in water intake - this is on the up and up since I started making hybiscus iced tea!

While my initial written goal is pretty shallow in comparison to some of the dreams that can and should be dreamt in todays world (and taking strong note that today is September 11), I'm starting with the number one thing I know I can impact: my health through strengthening my body.  So wish me luck....I am going for it!  I'll work up towards saving the world in future dream posts!