Completing the Decade

I am inspired to sit down and write out the accomplishments of the decade.  When I read this article it reminded me to be more conscious about recognizing the passage of time.  While the article itself wasn't incredible, it came at the right time and is a reminder in all ways that I need to be writing as my vehicle to rediscovering my talents, creativity and problem-solving skills.  This message is being delivered in so many ways lately; the recent Ode Magazine has two or three articles dedicated to the healing nature of writing as a practice.  Perhaps that is why there are so many bloggers, such fascination with Twitter and Facebook - it is the practice of writing our daily experience as a way to observe and be present in it ourselves.

All I know is that the message has resonated completely with me and I am adopting it as a part of my day...even if it is just jotting something down that happened in the day.  I don't want my boys to grow up completely and not capture some of the funny, exhausting, innocent or amazing things that they do.  I have thus purchased two spiral notebooks, one for each son, and keep little notes about their lives as we go.

As I reflect upon the last decade, it amazes me to remember that I actually started the decade living abroad.  First in Vienna then Bangkok then Dubai.  Not a bad start to a great ten years!!!  The other experiences that mark the keystone pieces to the decade were, in order:

*  the re-connection and re-dissolution of my relationship with my college boyfriend. 

*  The deliciously rewarding and satisfying job as Director of the Pinnacle Scholarship Program at Outward Bound. 

*  The luxury of a year of seeing a therapist who helped me return to my body through dance and yoga, as well as....writing as a way of observing my life! 

*  Through the latter practice I was able to recognize the romantic connection with my good friend, now husband.  Of course this then led to a great wedding, an amazing life partner and baby daddy!  Fun traveling around the world with this man!

* Selling our Richmond house just in the nick of time and getting a great place in Petaluma.
*  In and out of two jobs post-Outward Bound led me to attend Presidio Graduate School for an MBA in Sustainable Business.  Great friends, great experience.
*  My first son had better timing than me as he waited to arrive until I began and completed grad school.  He arrived 2 months after I graduated.  JOY!
*  The ever expanding and deepening community in Petaluma - for us and for our children.
*  The birth of my second healthy son.

Seriously, what more can anyone ask for?  Ok, one can always ask for more.  But all of the core pieces of my life are strong, healthy, satisfying and blossoming even more.  I am beyond grateful for the life I have.

In the next decade I call forth the following - this or something better!

*  Ongoing health for me and my family - a healthy, strong back especially!
*  Continued bountiful employment for Dan

*  An ability to be even more present, calm, fun and loving with my kids and husband

*  Developing closer friendships and getting beyond mom-hood as the only connection.

*  Generating great energy, flow and intention towards creating something good in our community.  This project will help broaden my community, fun, purpose and contentedness....just need to find my thing.

*  Practicing more moments of calm in each day.

*  Making more of an effort in my friend's lives.

I'm sure I'll think of more but I'm signing off for now...

Getting back in the groove...

Back in the day, before I had kids, I had lots of time to sit around and fantasize about what I wanted my world to look like and what I wanted to be doing. I used to write lists - lists for everything: basic to-do lists, lists of what I want to do soon, what I'd like to do "someday" and what I fantasize about but may likely never do. I would generate action plans for the ideas on my list that were most appealing, and then set forth to make those things happen. I've turned a great deal of my dreams into reality through luck, generosity of family, focused intention, self-motivation and a willingness to create a balance in my life between money and time. Given the choice, I've almost always taken time over money where I can afford to. I'm willing to live with less or get darn creative when that's what it takes. (Maybe I need to expand my dreams to include scads of money AND lots of free time?)

Today, with a 2 year old and a new baby just shy of six weeks old, I'm back in that space I was in just after my first son was born of being more aware of the constrictions on my life than the new openings in my life. This is not to say that I resent it - I've wanted kids all my life and am blessed with two healthy, vibrant sons. I am just adjusting, again, to my new reality. I've been inspired lately by other moms who refuse to shed all of their old self just because they had kids. They are no less in love with their kids than I am with mine, they just seem to have held on to their passions more tightly than I did. Or perhaps they have more direction than I do. I've never really known exactly what I wanted to do with my life or had a specific direction. I have a general compass that has had me on a trajectory with a definite theme, but no distinct career. Perhaps that is why I felt that so much of my former self was obscured once I had my son? Or perhaps I just didn't know how to integrate my old life with my new?

I was recently directed towards a blog that really inspired me. Goalsfortheweek's picture is of her high-fiving her kids as she runs past them in some foot race. It made me nostalgic for the former athlete in myself who has not seen the light of day for a couple years now. It made me think, honestly for the first time, about the model I want to provide my kids in terms of WHO I AM, not just the kinds of manners or behaviors I'd like them to adopt. Who do I want my kids to know me as? Someone with a chronic lower back issue that doesn't seem to do much about it? Someone who used to be an athlete, used to have exhaustive energy, used to be an adventurous outdoor instructor, used to courageously leave her life behind and travel extensively? Or someone who still inhabits and brings forth all of those characteristics? I don't want to just be their mom. I want to be an inspiring mom based on what I do for myself as much as what I do for them.

Thus, GoalsfortheWeek has inspired in me two major aspects of myself that had been fallow for too long: my athlete self and my focus on manifesting my dreams for and beyond the day to day. It's time to dream it real.  Let the lists and manifesting begin!


So, below is today's dream and a commitment to taking action to make it real. Future posts will welcome new dreams and updates on current dreams.  I welcome your support. I also recognize that sometimes not getting what you ask for is a stroke of luck so my mantra is "this or something better" - for perhaps I have not even dreamed the best thing that could happen. Perhaps my dream is off center and not the best for me or my family. So, I welcome my dreams to come true or to become better dreams.

Post-partum body recovery: It's been less than 6 weeks but already the insidious impatience has crept in...I want out of these maternity clothes! I want to get this body back into shape. I want to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes. If I am going to spend money on new clothes, I want them to show off an awesome post-pregnancy fit body. Even more pressing is the need to re-strengthen my back after months of carrying this small bundle in front (and still carrying him there - he's asleep in the Moby wrap as I write this!) I want to play rambunctiously with my small sons! I want to put on my jeans without pain.

Actions:
*This morning I purchased unlimited month-long pass to the local Bikram yoga studio to jump start the process.  Went to my first class in perhaps a year?
*Minimum of 5 walks per week that get me moving.
*Reduction in the vast amounts of sugar I ate during my pregnancy (sorry Beau!)
*Increase in water intake - this is on the up and up since I started making hybiscus iced tea!

While my initial written goal is pretty shallow in comparison to some of the dreams that can and should be dreamt in todays world (and taking strong note that today is September 11), I'm starting with the number one thing I know I can impact: my health through strengthening my body.  So wish me luck....I am going for it!  I'll work up towards saving the world in future dream posts!